i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
