its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
