My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
