escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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