Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She has the best kind of daddy issues
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
