Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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