This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
