I accidentally burped into my bong.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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