return my video game
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
