Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
