I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
