I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
