maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
