After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
