omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
