Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
