I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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