Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize