Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He better not be in your backpack
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
