I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
