I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You ate ashes out of my bong
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
