she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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