just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
