okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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