I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why are your pants in the freezer?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize