I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
