This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
