you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
