remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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