I wish life had little blips of pornography
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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