That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
