your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
