it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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