I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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