Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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