My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
