I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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