Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
