apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
