A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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