Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
