I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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