I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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