So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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