easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
