he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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