I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
