I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
