I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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