Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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