It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
