honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
