She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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