i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize