we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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