Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
