Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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