I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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