Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
