am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
