It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
