if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
