Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
