I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
