So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
