u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
