I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
