I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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