Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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