I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
