I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
