I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
