she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Too much gin, very little bucket
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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