Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize