I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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