This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
