I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
