you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
