Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
