Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
