I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
