you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
