I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
