I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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