Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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