That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
