I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
