i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
