What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
