no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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