This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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