WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
