watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
