was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize