Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
