Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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