whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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