well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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