Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
